This is precisely what my ex-husband and I did after our divorce. We have 2 very healthy, well-adjusted teenaged boys who love and respect both of their parents. They also respect other adults, their teachers, their grandparents, their friends’ parents… and this is largely due to the way that their father and I treat one another, as well as them. They learned respectful behavior from us, their parents and ‘life-guides’.
Conversely, my own parents’ divorce and subsequent marriages and divorces were nasty situations, rife with screaming and name-calling, both in private and sometimes in public, too. The police were called a few times to our different homes and bank accounts were drained while the other spouse was away and lawyers were paid handsomely. I swore I would never put children through such suffering and I believe I’ve kept my word. My ex-husband would agree.
Every other weekend.
Wednesdays from 6pm to 8pm.
Christmas on even years.
Thanksgiving on odd years.
30 day extended visitation in the summer.
Spring break every other year.
No moving out-of-state.
30 days notice with a job change or move.
Child support review every 4 years.
We were exhausted after the first year of trying to follow along with each detail. Details that were somewhat standard and very general to accommodate a broad span of families. Details that were permanent and signed by a judge. Details that never changed, even when our lives did.
Following these instructions laid out for us made us tired, angry and confused.
We were tired of times and dates and who has her when and what time she needed to be where and on and on. We were angry because of expectations that seemed impossible. We couldn’t always get…
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